“Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope” (1 Peter 3:15).
I continue to be mindful that with all that has been reported and emphasized regarding the abusers and the abused, very negligible attention has been given to effective rehabilitation of those involved.
When considering healing, it is an inexcusable inhibiting failure not to acknowledge the emotional and psychological sickness of the abuser. Accordingly, how regrettable that the abuser is commonly referred to as the worst of sinners. The reason Jesus says if we wish to avoid judgment, we must not judge the moral guilt of others is because given the hidden handicaps in people’s lives, it is impossible for anyone but God to judge justly. As the late writer Longfellow said, “If we knew the secret history of our personal enemies, we would find therein enough sorrow and suffering to disarm us of all hostility.”
When I was home on vacation at the time of the greatest media coverage of the clergy abuse scandal, there was a headline article in the local daily regarding a priest who had sexually propositioned his eighteen-year-old nephew. In the report the nephew unconditionally condemned his uncle.
I had known the priest for several years and had lived at the same residence. Intellectually gifted, he was very kind, sensitive, compassionate and generous. Why would a priest with such fine qualities be sexually abusive, especially while knowing that eventually his egregious failure would be highly publicized? Certainly we should be able to concede that as is true of the alcoholic, the abuser is very ill. And so it was reported that the priest on three occasions had sought and received extensive care and psychological counseling.
Since, as Jesus says, “…the truth will set you free” (John 8:32), if the abused, the media and all of us could put the issue of sexual abuse into proper context, forgiveness and healing would be considerably easier.
This is not to maintain that in cases of abuse there may not be moral culpability, but for the reason stated, most likely not to the degree that might seem apparent. And paradoxically, some of us who are quick to judge, perhaps are more guilty before God for our own failures than those we condemn.
Periodically in counseling, someone tells me that he or she has been abused. After listening to a person depressed perhaps to the point of contemplating suicide, I respond in a manner least expected by the victim: “It’s not as bad as you think. I’m not saying you haven’t been seriously wounded; but the good news is that the abuse came from a created, limited, crippled person–whose moral guilt only God can truly judge,–and so no matter how serious the wound, it has to be limited. But Jesus, the Divine Healer, is unlimited. Accordingly, this is our faith: ‘To be sure of things hoped for and certain of things not yet seen’ (Hebrews 11:1), because the God of unconditional healing love is who He is for you and for me.”
Regarding healing, Cardinal Roger Mahoney prophetically acknowledges “knowing that I don’t have all the answers and relying on God to show us the way.”
As Christians, we should readily be mindful of the way. Unfortunately, we can be so duped by the complexity and bureaucracy of the secular society in which we are immersed, that we are oblivious to the fact that Jesus says he is “…the way, and the truth and the life” (John 14:5); and that simply as little children we must bring our burdens to him if, we are to be refreshed (cf. Matthew 11:28).
Therefore, to realize healing from the traumatic but limited wounds of abuse, in conjunction with, if available, any reputable psychological counseling, the abused and the abuser must practice what has proven to be so effective in my prison ministry to women who have been terribly abused and sometimes abusive.
Whether or not a person is the victim or the abuser, the means for healing is basically the same. For the victim to receive ongoing healing, it is absolutely necessary that he or she refrain from continuing to relive or wrestle with the traumatic experience. Rather, the very first thought of the abuse should serve as a catalyst immediately—like withdrawing one’s fingers from a hot stove–to retreat to Jesus who abides with us always. To relive what is destructive further destroys. Rather, one must accentuate the positive. In application, the process for the healing of our limited traumas, no matter how serious, depends upon our openness in faith to God’s unconditional healing love.
In his runaway best seller, Love, Medicine and Miracles, Dr. Bernie S. Siegel, M.D., says, “The truth is, love heals.” In Isaiah 43 we are told that God calls us by name, and in 1 John 4 we are reminded that God is love, and that we are able to love God, self and neighbor because God has first loved us. Therefore, in the immediate act of resisting the temptation to relive the abuse, one must mentally say, “No in the name of Jesus,” then immediately begin saying one’s first name and the words “I love you,” and in faith know that the God of healing love is saying that to him or her. One need do this only in the mind, not on the lips, to the rhythm of one’s breathing until the temptation to relive the abuse and/or hate subsides.
Through this faith exercise in accepting God’s unconditional transforming love, healing of the limited wounds is occurring. It follows, of course, that tempted or not, often to practice this faith-breathing exercise will foster ongoing healing; will increasingly enable one to realize how incalculably lovable he or she is. “The truth is, love heals.”
As we grow stronger physically through physical exercise, we also become more whole, holy, happy, human, free, mature, lovers, Christlike, who we are called to be through spiritual exercise. But the spiritual exercise results from retreating immediately to Jesus within. “He (She) who hesitates is lost,” for “Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). If we attack and relive the trauma, we exacerbate and deepen the wound.
Peter walked on the water as long as he kept his eyes on Jesus. It was only when he wrestled with his fear of the wind and the waves that he began to sink. As he lifted Peter up, Jesus said, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt” (Matthew 15:8b).
Likewise, in order to be healed of a guilt complex, the contrite and reformed abuser must program him or her self immediately to follow the same retreat procedure outlined above for the abused when he or she is tempted to berate him or her self for past offenses. In addition, the contrite and reformed abuser should mentally hear Jesus call his or her name and hear him say, “All is forgiven. I have made all things new. I love you.” Then he or she should mentally reply, “Thank you for your forgiveness; thank you for your love.” And, of course, this healing procedure applies to any contrite person no matter what offense has been committed.
And regarding ongoing growth through our daily encounters with the threefold foe of the world, the flesh and the devil, at the immediate awareness of any temptation, we must immediately retreat to Jesus within and mentally hear the word “Jesus.” Jesus means Savior, and in Hebrew Savior means Healer. Breathe in the first syllable and breathe out the second syllable until the temptation is overcome. Three times in Scripture we read,–Joel 4, Acts 1 and Romans 10–”Everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved.” In faith we should literally follow through.
Finally, what I have stated above, and what I also preach with total conviction in my parish missions and retreats, “has not been tried and found wanting, but has too often been found wanting to be tried.” This faith procedure is simple but not simplistic. The world would have us believe if the answer we seek to healing and happiness is not complicated, complex, and sophisticated, it is not worth considering. But Jesus, who is the Truth that will set us free, says, “Amen, I say to you, whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it” (Mark 10:15).
When a little child encounters any danger or hurt, it is programmed immediately to retreat to a trusted loving adult or older sibling. And the child does not have to understand the cause of the danger or the hurt to know how to realize security and/or healing. As the child expresses love through faith in a trusted loving person, the child is open to the Protective, healing love that enables the child to become more of who he or she is called to be. Likewise, Jesus asks that we have no less faith in him, because it is only through faith that we are able to show our love for him and be open to his unlimited, unconditional, healing and transforming love for us.
And at this moment, that same Jesus is saying to you and to me, “In steadfast childlike faith come and abide in me, and I will refresh you. I am the Truth that will set you free.”